Originally posted 2017-08-26 23:32:52.
Hi!
Well it is countdown Day-12. I know it’s August, But, early this morning, a verse to a song that’s usually played in the Winter season, came on my heart. I started singing: “On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. A partridge in a pear tree!”
Why this song?
Could it be, because it’s Day-12 of the 40-day countdown; and the number 12 sparked the thought? Maybe? Perhaps it’s because I had just received a call from the man I once loved to the core. It might be a combination of things.
Okay! Don’t start tripping. That flame ended years ago. So stay with me. This is not a, “Back Down Memory Lane,” tell-all love story. Yet, as this countdown journey peels back more layers; three words come to mind.
“Love, forgiveness, and friendship.”
What’s the difference in; being in love with someone; and loving someone? If you’re saying, “They’re the same;” I beg the differ. The key word to, “being in love with someone,” is the word, “with.” In this case, it takes more than one person to experience, “with.” The word, “with” also intimates togetherness. If you and the person are not in it together; you’re not in it “with” them.
I’m not talking about sex. Romance has more elements than sexual intercourse. It involves excitement while spending time with another. A man and woman can share hobbies with; dine with; talk regularly with; spend idle time with; laugh with; play with; connect intellectually with; watch the sunset with; or just enjoy being with one another. Thus, when it has been 20+ years since you and the person were “with” each other; how can you say, “You are in love WITH that person?”
Loving someone doesn’t need romance.
I love my God; The God of Heaven. I love my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I love my children, grandson, son-in-law, nieces, nephews, cousins, and the rest of my family. I love my Pastor, First Lady, their family, my friends, and the saints at my church home. I love people, period. I love you, the reader; even though I may not know you.
Love is so wonderful. Love puts a smile on your face. Love causes you to want the best for others. The scripture says in 1 John 4:7-8, “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” (KJV)
That’s why I can say, “I love xoxo.” I’m not “in love with” him. But I love him; and want what’s best for him.
My friends, can you say that about your ex; or any of your ex romantic interests? Yes? That’s great. But, if not; “Why not?” Could ill feelings and lack of forgiveness be nestled in your heart? Think about it. When you hear about how well your ex-husband, an old lover; or a man you were dating; is doing; does it bother you? Especially when your breakup didn’t go well? If so; why?
Forgiveness is key.
My sister, you could have left him. My brother you may have left her. But if you ended the relationship because of something they did; or would not do; let me ask you a question. “Have you forgiven that person?”
Recently, I had to ask myself the same question. Every time I saw current pictures on social media, of my ex of 20+ years ago; smiling and happy; I found myself feeling some kind of way. Even though I was happy for his joy; thoughts of what he didn’t do years ago, to help me; came into my mind.
But, The Lord spoke to me, through my oldest son.
The other day, Justin and I were talking; and I shared my frustrations with him. Justin said, “Mama, you’re holding something against xoxo.” At the time, I replied, “Justin, I have nothing against him.” But was that the case?
I prayed about it; and realized, I was in total denial. My discomfort when seeing my ex from the past’s joyful moments proved there was something to it. One thing I knew; it wasn’t feelings of, “I want you back!” The Lord let me know; it was a built-in grudge; coupled with non forgiveness. So, “Justin when you read this post; you were right. I was holding a grudge. Thank you for calling that thing out.”
I had to ask the Lord to forgive me. I prayed for the Lord to help me; and He did. Today, I can say, “I forgive xoxo one-hundred percent.” I truly love him. Not in a desiring way as a mate; but the friendship type of love. Our conversation this morning confirmed it
Friendship? Really?
My friends, how do you know when you’ve gotten over someone? It’s easy. You are no longer angry when you hear about that person’s success. As a matter of fact; their failures sadden you. Because; you genuinely wish that person great prosperity.
Ladies, your ex may talk to you about the type of women he likes; and it doesn’t phase you. But, some things cause you to think. The question is, “Why would he say to you; a black woman; that he likes older white women? Women your age?” Why would he bring up his attractions; when you were talking about friendly people period? Think about it. “Is he trying to see if you are jealous; or is he attempting to spark jealousy? He’s 3 years younger than you. Is he seeking to invoke racism; while subliminally calling you OLD?
Wow! Those calculated jabs just DO NOT work!!
In my opinion, persons in true friendships don’t bait one another. Genuine friendships consist of reciprocal care for one another. Real friends encourage each other. They don’t find ways to tear each other down.
So, as I ponder on the above mentioned interaction; my conclusion is; that person is an acquaintance. Even though you once were deeply in love with a person. Even though, you had a true friendship; it’s over. Accept what’s real. It’s clear; this guy cannot be your friend. It’s not in him. But why?
He very well may have unresolved resentment towards you. If that’s the case; my friend, all you can do is, “PRAY!” That helps you to love, forgive, and understand what is; and what isn’t friendship. But don’t forget; Proverbs 18:24: “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (KJV)
Singing a gospel song always soothes a weary heart.
A song is in my spirit. “Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me.” Some of its lyrics: “If anyone, should ever write, my life story. For whatever reason, there might be. Ooo, you’ll be there, between each line of pain and glory. ‘Cause Jesus is the best thing, that ever happened to me. Ah, you’re the best thing, that ever happened to me.”
I love that song. It reminds me of, “Love, forgiveness, and friendship.” That’s because, I love Jesus; and, when you have Jesus; you have a true friend. When you have Jesus; you’re not starving for friends. He’s the best thing that could EVER happen to you. Praise God!
This countdown is awesome. It’s peeling back so many layers, and helping me remember God’s personal promises. He will fill your grieving heart with His love. Oh yes He will! Glory! Hallelujah!
My friends, thank you for joining me today. I’m looking forward to Countdown Day-11. We’ll talk soon.
Blessings!
Rochelle
