Originally posted 2019-07-30 08:00:50.
Hi!
Have thoughts of giving up ever popped into your mind? I am sure they have. How often? Never? Occasionally? Frequently? Those peace snatchers have boldly stepped up to quite a few of us at one time or another. Most people just keep the inner turmoil to themselves. They cover it up with ease through smiling, laughing and staying busy. Others expose its’ presence through their actions.
Some of us who live our lives serving God hide waning hope and dismay with precision. Why do we do that? Because, we do not want to kill our witness. We try to avoid being a hindrance to those who look to us as examples. We know people fail to understand how we could even consider giving up. They do not see that, though we will not act upon the thoughts; it does not prevent them from coming.
Before we dig deeper into this subject, I must first tell you that I live a saved life, committed to serving God. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I love God, pray to God daily, love to read His Holy Word, teach and preach. I have also been baptized by and am filled with the Holy Ghost; and speak in tongues as the Spirit gives utterance. So, before you judge me, hear me. It just might help you!
Life has been very, very rough for years. Through it all, my love for the Lord has grown stronger. Yet, constant life debacles, health challenges, and grief have become taxing. The current fight has me feeling as if I have been treading in deep water for hours, days, or weeks.
Anyone who swims knows that a person can only tread water for so long. After many hours, their arms and legs get too tired. They stop treading, and try to float on their backs to give their limbs a break. Then they tread again. Back and forth they go; trying to survive. Soon, the pressure from not being able to stand on dry ground brings about extreme fatigue. Treading water gives the feeling of constantly moving without making any progress. It seems as though drowning is inevitable.
That describes my on-and-off state in recent months. Tired! Just tired! Have you ever been there? Have you been TIRED, and your push to keep going came under attack? Are you there now? So, what do you do?
What do you do when your hope is looking at ground zero, and your faith is cloudy? What do you do when the trials of life are rushing you like wild animals attacking in an open field, and running to safety is seemingly non-existent? What do you do when you cry out to the Lord, “Please help,” and it seems as though He is nowhere to be found?
What do you do when an unwelcome visitor shows up during your survival challenge?
If the non-guest is loneliness, you can read a book, watch television, eat a package of cookies with a gallon of ice cream, dance to some music, or scroll through social media. But, there is an uninvited visitor that is so persistent until you find yourself in a full blown war. When it shows up, even with all of the pressing, pushing, denouncing, and hoping you do; this enemy keeps coming. What is it?
It is suicide! Despite your attempts to squash its nags, suicide is a persistent foe. Suicide does not care who it attacks. Yes I said, “It!” Because, “It” is a real demonic force that will try to bulldoze anyone in any environment.
We will not call it, “Cousin It” though. Because, suicide is no relative of yours or mines. It thinks it is. It thinks it belongs in your space.
Suicide hangs around like an unrelenting itch. It hits like a throbbing tooth ache. It rings like someone leaning on your doorbell in the middle of the night. It irritates like a group of know-it-all women in a meeting, all verbalizing their resumes at the same time, trying to impress the leader. It attacks you as soon as you wake up in the morning, before your head leaves the pillow. It punches you throughout the day. It rides you when you lay down and try to go to sleep. Suicide tries to drive you crazy.
Suicidal thoughts rush in like a flood, one on top of another. Thoughts of taking all the pills in the bottles of your seven different medications. Thoughts of smashing every mirror, or taking a hammer or baseball bat and breaking one window at a time in your entire house. Persistent coercion’s to use a butcher knife to self inflict a stab in the gut, or let a razor slide across your wrist. Spurts of whispers telling you to walk down the middle of the nearest freeway while facing oncoming traffic. Etc., etc.
How do you get through these fierce thoughts, and walk to victory?
See what drives the spirit of suicide. You must understand what negative influences are downloading into your spirit with perpetual suicidal thoughts, by the enemy of your soul. Here are some examples of suicide’s foot soldiers and their actions:
- Fear: Afraid of what might happen. Worrying that the persistent pain in your body might be a terminal illness. Looking out to see if the utility company is coming out to disconnect your power. Peeking through the blinds when you hear a truck, hoping it is not the tow truck outside coming to repossess your car. Perpetual thoughts of eviction or foreclosure. Afraid, because you do not see a way out of your problematic circumstances.
- Pride: Concerned about what people think of your lack, calamity, or inability to keep up with others. Accusations of being a failure for not having finances like others in leadership on the job, or in ministry. Ashamed of your home, furniture, clothes, hair, size of your car, or offering amounts. Bombarded with taunts, calling you a coward for not carrying out suicidal suggestions.
- Depression: Gloom riding you so strong until you sit in the house at 9:20 at night, with the television and all of the lights off. Not opening the blinds or draperies in the daytime. The darkness reflects your reality.
Your hope has faded. Your joy of going to church and serving in ministry is overshadowed by sadness. Your interest in having fun and enjoying other people’s presence have scurried into concealment. - Feeling as if no one cares. NO ONE! This thought comes when the phone rings, or texts chime in, only when people want something from you. They do not just wand material things, but they want your intellectual, spiritual or theological help, or advice. Your parents or siblings do not call. Your grown children no longer call or visit. Your grandchildren no longer call. Your nieces and nephews, who you helped raise do not call. Your spouse and friends have walked away.
- Thoughts that God does not care: Questions of why a loving, caring God allows you to suffer. Taunts of, “Why won’t God help YOU?” Wondering if God has stopped listening to your cry.
- Anger: Not with God; but, with yourself. Mad about your past and repeated mistakes. Mad about routes you did not take. Angry for no reason, at people’s innocent actions. Road rage that has you wanting to fight or argue with other drivers.
- Atheism and agnosticism: Thoughts questioning God’s existence. Thoughts doubting the validity of God’s Word. OH NO! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! It is TIME TO SNAP BACK!
BUT HOW?
Believe God loves you, and that, He is in control. Trust in God. Think over your life and force yourself to remember the good things, that has happened to you, no matter how small. Believe God allowed them to happen. Remember Jesus’ sacrifice! 
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” John 3:16-17 KJV “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6 KJV
Read, study, meditate upon, listen to, recite, and believe God’s Word. The Word of God is our daily bread. God’s Holy Word feeds your faith. It helps combat fear. There’s a quote by John C. Maxwell that speaks volumes. It says, “Starve your fear and feed your courage.” When fear and suicidal thoughts attack you so strong until you have a hard time praying; read God’s Holy Word OUT LOUD! Speak it into your spirit.
Keep loving and praising God, even when it seems like you are facing giants. Listen to Gospel music. Play a song! Sing a song! Write a song! Dance! “I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.” Psalms 34:1 KJV
Get your spiritual war clothes on, and crush suicide and its’ imps’ affects. There are plenty of offensive and defensive helps in the following Scriptures. “Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;” Ephesians 6:13-18 KJV “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 KJV
Confront what you have been avoiding. Call your doctor’s office and make an appointment. Answer the calls from the bill collectors. Call the mortgage company, the landlord, or that person who you owe money. Have a conversation with the person that is angry with you.
Get up! Freshen up! Fix yourself up! Get out of that house! Bathe, shower, comb your hair, shave (men), put on some clean clothes. Sit outside and breathe in the fresh air. Look at the birds, the sky, the trees, cars, people. Go for a walk, to the library, or to a park.
Call friends and family who have not called you. You never know what they may be going through. They may struggle with feeling unwanted and unloved by you!
Hope and dream again! See yourself where you want to be. Set small, medium, large and astronomical goals. Take action towards them. Start where you are. Open a new bank account that you will not touch right now. Pick that notebook back up and start writing that book, poem, song, or business plan. Update your resume. Go buy a business suit, and apply for a new job. Send those corporation papers in, and launch that business. Call the college, university or seminary, and find out what you need to do to apply. SMILE AND BELIEVE BETTER DAYS HAVE BEGUN!!
My friend, today is the day to joyfully face life and it’s’ trials. Suicide SHALL NOT get the victory. YOU HAVE the victory. We both have the victory. Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!! Praise God!!!
Thank you for joining me today. We will talk soon.
Blessings!
Rochelle
