Originally posted 2017-10-31 07:30:22.
Hi!
Why do people offer advice in matters where they have no experience? What gives people the audacity to dish out unsolicited solutions to issues out of their league? Who has the right to give your grief an end date; when they have no clue of the pain you’re in? That really baffles me. Let’s be honest. It’s irritating.
I know you’re saying, “Lighten up! Some people are just trying to help you. They might see what you’re unable to see. You might be stuck and don’t know it.” That’s true. It’s great that some offer help.
For instance; a MAC (My Accountability Crew) member and I were talking on the phone the other day. 
She said, “Aunty, what’s wrong?” I replied; “What makes you think something is wrong?” She quietly said, “Aunty, maybe you should go for a walk; to the movies; or something.”
She knows me well. She could hear in my voice; that something was bothering me. There was nothing wrong with her suggestions. She offered them out of love. I even looked out the window; and thought; “A walk would be nice.” I appreciated her concern. She’s like family. No! She IS family.
But; there are instances where someone’s attempt to help you is totally out of line. Think about it. What would you do or say if a casual acquaintance inserted their opinion to a sensitive area of your life. I’m sure you’d find it difficult to hold back from giving them a piece of your mind. Now wouldn’t you?
But, taking the high road works every time.
Recently; I was in a friendly conversation with someone I’ve known twenty years. 
We hadn’t chatted for some time. Whenever we did; our interactions were brief. But, this particular day, we took time out, and engaged in surface dialogue about open doors in business and ministry. I joyfully listened to this person’s testimonies. They expressed tolerance in hearing about my blessings. Then it happened.
Out of the blue; she aggressively told me, “There’s another place where you’re going in your life.” I thought, “Here’s that old familiar way of trying to get me to guess if there’s a word from the Lord.” But; it peaked my interest. I wondered, what was next.
Was this a God-inspired word?
It didn’t seem like one; especially when she crossed a line. She said something that let me know why I usually say, “Hi, how are you doing?” And I keep it moving, to avoid being vexed.
The deep word she had for me was totally unexpected. She said, “It’s time for you to get on the other side of mourning your daughter’s death. You need to stop putting so many pictures of Tamika
on your blog. People don’t want to see all those pictures of her.”
What??? Thank God for the Holy Spirit. “Just stay calm,” immediately chimed in my spirit.
“Are you serious?” That was the question underneath my straight face. I responded with, “I still cry at times. It hurts! But, I cry at home. I’m at a place where I can talk about Mika publicly without crying. Praise God!” I smiled; but, there was a scream down in my belly.
Think about it. It’s different when your spiritual leader; a close friend; or a family member steps into your personal space. But an acquaintance? Real friends and family have certain rights; distant acquaintances aren’t privy to.
The suggestions about my grief, and posts didn’t just come from an acquaintance. But, she and I never discussed my blog. I didn’t know she even read the posts. In the two years since I launched Springing Beyond These Walls; she has never mentioned it. Nor has she congratulated me on stepping out, and ministering in this capacity. But, she has a suggestion for improvement? And, it happens to center around my deceased daughter’s pictures? Wow!
REALLY???
I said, “You’re speaking of the 40-day countdown.” I told her about my conversation with Ki. I let her know; Ki suggested I take 40 days to peel back layers; and deal with my emotions. This resulted in a series; and Tamika’s 
pictures were a huge part of that series of blog posts. I smiled while uttering; “The countdown really helped me face my grief; and smile when I think about Mika.”
Her face was blank. She didn’t show any concern for how the countdown helped me deal with my grief. She showed no joy in hearing about my moving forward. Why?? Clueless; don’t care; stuck on criticism; sarcasm and cynicism; etc.
That didn’t surprise me. I stood there and remembered the reason our talks became few and far between. That smart-aleck suggestion caused me to regret stopping to talk.
Some people are not worth wasting your time on.
I spoke to one of my sons about that conversation. He angrily blurted out, “How dare she tell you, it’s time to stop mourning Tamika. What? Is she trying to tell you to forget Tamika?” He told me that I should have said something else. I smiled. We talked further; and moved on to another subject.
But this thing is still bothering me. How can anyone who hasn’t lost a child assign you a cut off date to mourn the lost of your child? I didn’t just lose a child. My only daughter; who suffered from Sickle Cell Anemia her entire life passed away. Though I’m grateful she’s no longer in pain; the void in my heart 
from her being gone is not yet filled. I’m still trying to cast my concern for my sons, grandson, and son-in-law’s pain unto the Lord.
So, I’m saying this. Oh, yes I am!
When will people be sensitive enough or have the common sense to watch what they say to people who are grieving? It’s not like you walk around moping; or you’ve retreated into being a recluse. In those cases; I could see a need for an intervention. But; you’re still helping others; doing ministry; and enjoying your life. You laugh and talk with people; even if you have to put on your game face in public. But; it’s no secret that your daughter, and your sister passed away within the last three and a half years. Ooh! Frustration comes as I write this post.
POW! That’s it!
My friends, the enemy of our souls wants the root of bitterness to set up shop in us. The devil wants you and me to hold grudges; and walk in lack of forgiveness. That’s why he will use anyone to get under your skin. But; oh no! Not so! Not today!
Why become angry with someone who tries to FIX you? Why waste your time trying to figure out motives? Does it really matter? Walk in love. Let the joy of the Lord be your strength. Put a praise on it. Keep soaring;
and keep going.
Let’s look at it another way.
Here are a few questions I hear in my spirit. “Why did you explain yourself? Why do you spend time trying to get the wrong people to see things from your perspective? Are you open to the possibility that she might be right?”
Here’s a pericope that comes to mind. “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15 KJV
My friends; here’s a thought for you:
How well do you receive advice from acquaintances? Does the way someone gives you unsolicited advice play a part in how you respond to that person? What do you consider as a line being crossed? Do you agree or disagree with my reaction to the situation; and how I handled it? Do you see walls that need springing beyond?
Thank you for joining me today. We’ll talk soon.
Blessings!
Rochelle
