Originally posted 2021-01-28 11:46:48.
Hi!
All of us would like for someone to want the best for us. We cannot deny that it makes us feel good to have someone in our corner, rallying for our success. There is something about having a personal cheer team. The exhortation nudges us to ‘go ahead.’
Does it matter if your hoopla squad is genuine? Of course it does. Does it frustrate you to have people around you who pretend to want the best for you, while they secretly envision your downfall? I would rather a person be genuine, than pretend to care.
This reminds me of a life friend I had years ago, when I was in my late twenties. We both worked at my cousin’s facility that housed a beauty salon, barbershop, restaurant and boutique. My friend was the receptionist, and I was the building manager. That was a fun time. We enjoyed laughing with the hairstylists, barbers, diner employees and customers. Everyday felt like a special event.
One day, out of the blue, my friend said to me, “YOU MAKE ME SICK! Men come in here, LOOK AT YOU, and ignore me! I go through so much trouble fixing myself up everyday. You come in here with no makeup on, and your hair pulled into a ponytail. But, the men look at you! I’m jealous!”
Her outburst startled and tickled me. I had no clue of what she was talking about. I laughed and said, “Girl you are CRAZY!” But, what I appreciated was her honesty. That type of genuineness is rare, especially amongst females.
My coworker and I became good friends. We had authentic, ‘no-holds-barred’ conversations. There was not an ounce of malice between us. We remained friends and in close contact for years, until life caused us to drift apart.
Our worlds became different. I started to attend church again, and I eventually surrendered my life to the Lord. My friend did not. But, even today, on the rare occasions that we talk, the love of bona fide friendship is there.
Rare, but, genuine!
Usually, cattiness and jealousy starts with girls at a very young age, and continue into their adulthood. But, from conversations I have had with my sons over the years, envy among boys and men is just as strong. Earlier this week, as my son, Justin and I talked, the subject of authentic and fake people came up. My son has great insight on detecting undercover frauds.
Justin mentioned two men we both know, who he deemed to lack character and sincerity. He prefaced his examples of their phoniness by saying that he meant neither of them any harm. He also contrasted those two men with examples of two men we both know, who he thinks have great authenticity and integrity. Justin backed his assessments with interactions he had with the four men on separate occasions, and actions he observed.
While Justin talked, I initially thought he felt the two men were frauds based upon insults he may have experienced. But as I continued to listen to my 34 year old son, I thought, “This young man is WISE beyond his years. He can be stubborn and harsh at times; but, he is also extremely sensitive, perceptive and observant. He knows people!”
I do not believe people’s ill-will towards others comes automatically. Some culprits that often dampen people’s abilities to want what is best for others are jealousy, inferiority complexes, arrogance and low-self esteem. They are driving forces behind the crab mentality many people wear as comfortably as an old broken in pair of shoes.
That is terrible, but, true!
Do you wonder where people pick up such self-sabotaging traits? I do, at times. Other times, I take the self-preserving stance of “Who cares?”
My friend, do you care if people do or do not care about you? Does it matter if people who are in your work, career, ministry, church, school and family spaces do or do not want the best for you? Most people would say, “No!” Yet, I believe they are in denial. It has to affect you when some people do not want the best for you.
Who are the ‘Some People?’
That question leads to a u-turn. So let us broach this subject from another perspective. Does it matter how many people in your various spaces really want what is best for you? Does it depend on the amount of people? Does one out of ten or one out of twenty people really want the best for you? When you think of who really wants the best for you, does the amount make a difference in how you feel about life?
Here is another way to look at it!
Do you care if people who are not related to you through blood care more than your blood relatives? This question might sound facetious. But, it is real. Sometimes, it depends on who the non-family members are? It also depends on which relatives we are talking about.
I say this, because I believe all blood relatives are not family. I personally have blood relatives who never call me; nor do I call them. There are some who I grew up around, who treat me as if I am a stranger. Are they considered family? They certainly do not feel like family! But, who cares? I love them because they are people, period.
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves and to love our enemies. Some blood relatives walk a thin line between the two. Related, but strangers. Related, but carrying animosity and grudges. Why? Who knows? Who cares? Just love them, pray for them, pray for yourself, and keep it moving.
Sometimes, we have experienced many people who disliked us for no reason, people who walked out of our lives, and people who have tried to set us up to fail. But, God has replaced frenemies, and awol friends and relatives with new family. God also helps us develop renewed relationships with our lifelong BFF’s. When you appreciate who is in your life, it does not matter who really does not want the best for you.
My friend, who all in your life really want the best for you? Can you name them? When you think about it, do you have a list? Is your list short or massive? Does it matter? No? That is great.
When I think about my list, a smile comes. God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost, my sons, Justin and Melvin, my grandsons, Jordan and Million, my son-in-law, my niece, my nephew, my BFF, my other son, some of my cousins, my Pastor, First Lady, and some of my local and jurisdictional church family members. They are all on my list. That works for me!
Just because I have discovered that some people are not truly for me, there is no malice here. I am reminded of the song, ‘The Who Doesn’t Matter,’ released in 2015 by Karen Clark Sheard, on her ‘Destined To Win’ cd. The lyrics say, “If God be for us, If God be for us, if God be for us. The Who doesn’t matter!” I love this song.
It is definitely house-cleaning time!
My friend, when God is for you, He is enough. So think about the question to this post again. “What People in Your Life Really Want the Best For You?” Thank God for those who do, and thank God for enlightening you about those who do not. Detach yourself from pretenders! LIVE!
Now is the time in all of our lives to grow closer to God. It is time to say, “Bye bye” to people who secretly and openly resent you. There are plenty of people that God has waiting in the wings who will add value to your present and your future. They might be right before your eyes, and you do not see them. Open your eyes! Look again! They who care are there. Let them care, and enjoy feeling the same way towards them.
Sounds good? Yes? So, let’s do this! Let’s move forward, knowing we are free from allowing ourselves to become inundated with thoughts of whether or not Pooh Pooh, Ray Ray and nem care.
Thank you for joining me today! I will leave you with this wonderful scripture: “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” Romans 8:31, 32 KJV
I will talk with you soon.
Blessings!
Rochelle 🌹
