When Did Disrespect Begin To Be The New Normal?

Originally posted 2018-04-24 07:30:34.

Hi!

I know Millennials and young Gen X’er’s might take this post’s title as a dart.  I’ll understand if you clapped back with, “What about our respect from older people?  It’s time out for tossing our questions and opinions aside!”  You; my friends, have valid points.

But; this is not an attack against the young or the old.  This post speaks to disrespect; and attempts to expose its trail of havoc in generational relations.  So, take this walk with me.

Let’s start with those who have lived three or more decades.

When you were young; and your parents or elders called your name; how did you respond?  Did you say, “Huh; yes ma’am; or yes sir?”  Certainly, you didn’t say, “WHAT?”  I know my siblings, cousins, and I didn’t.  In my family; answering our mama, daddy, aunts, or uncles, by saying, “WHAT,” was considered disrespectful.  If we dared sassing our elders; it warranted an automatic whipping; or back-hand slap.

Even though, all of us didn’t respond to our parents; or those who were their age, by saying, “Yes ma’am or yes sir;” we maintained respect.  Answering with, “WHAT,” had a connotation of really meaning, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”  Asking someone what they want is not a bad thing; it’s the inference that matters.  The thought and tone behind, “WHAT,” gives the impression of, “You’re bothering me.”

Yes!  At times, our parents or seniors interrupted what we were doing; but, we rarely let them know.  When we did; we definitely didn’t answer them with a smart, rude, snappy tone.  At least, most of the time; we didn’t.  That’s because, ill-manners were, “No’s No’s!”

So, when did it become okay to respond to senior persons with, “What?”

Growing up on Webb Street, in Detroit; I didn’t hear any of my friends answering their parents by saying, “WHAT?”  We respected all adults; except the crazy man who walked up and down the street wearing a maxi length dashiki, turban, and sandals.  He had taken a trip to Jerusalem; and tried to convince us of the proper way to dress.  We made fun of him.   I didn’t see it then; but now that I’m older; we were disrespecting that man, just because he was eccentric.

Some might think it is a ghetto mentality to view the “WHAT” answer as being disrespectful.  If so, I beg the differ. That is not an absolute.  My older sister, Angie, and I experienced more than the hood.  We occasionally spent weekends at our cousin’s home in a neighborhood considered as affluent.  Our friends in Sherwood Forest and Palmer Woods, didn’t say, “WHAT,” to their parents.  “Yes mom” and “Yes dad,” were the norm.

Perhaps, it was a black thing.

Maybe so; maybe no.  It might be culture.  My parents backslid and left the church when I was a toddler.  But, because my mother earned a living as a pianist in churches; I was always in church.  We knew right from wrong.  We had respect for Pastors; and men and women of God.  In our young minds; they were the next step to reaching God.  We also had respect for teachers and the elderly. But, what happened?  Perhaps disrespect spread during the time when government took prayer out of schools.  Disregard of God as the authority in people’s lives allowed rebellion to take a lead place.

In today’s world, youth and young adults disrespect men and women of God.  Children readily dispute their parents, teachers, and even their grandparents.  This generation has an entirely different mindset than back in the day.  Yet, there are good and bad points to their frame of mind.

This is the “Why” generation.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know why.  Nor is it disrespectful to ask why.  When my age group was young, “BECAUSE I SAID SO,” was the answer to our why.  Now that I think about it; that answer was a lack of respect for us who were young.  I commend the youth of today, for pushing us older folk to explain things.

In my immediate family’s household; and other relatives’ homes; adults who weren’t living for The Lord openly drank alcohol and cursed like sailors.  But we children; and young adults never drank alcohol around our parents or elders.  We dared not curse in front of them.  We’d get slapped or have our mouths washed out with soap.

My how times have changed.

The other week; I was with family at my aunt who had recently passed away’s home.  My young adult cousins were talking to their mother and friends; openly cursing.

After sitting there ten minutes or so, I blurted out, “The blood of Jesus!  Y’all need to stop all this cursing!”  I shared with my young cousins, and their friends that I wasn’t always saved; but, we never sat around our unsaved or saved parents, aunties, and uncles; cursing.  We had respect for our elders.

It got so quiet in the room; you would’ve heard a pin drop.   A couple of the girls rolled their eyes; but didn’t say a word.  One said, “Please excuse me!”  I smiled, complimented one of the young ladies on her twists; and replied, “I love you all.  Talk!  Your vocabulary consists of more than curse words!”

My friend, I guess you might be thinking, “How dare you come in somebody’s home; and rebuke people!”  Well, even though they were virtually strangers; these young adults were my cousins, and their friends.  We were all visiting.  They didn’t know better.  If their mother was cursing at them; and they cursed while talking with her; they didn’t see the disrespect.  It was their norm.

When did respect take a backseat?  When did disrespect begin to be the new normal?

I believe open disrespect began when the laws changed; where children could seek to have their parents arrested for giving them whippings.  Journalists and counselors published articles that compared black households to white homes.  The common thought was that it was more effective to place disrespectful children on a time out.  Black parents didn’t do time outs.  Yet, many started alternative methods to discipline their children; some out of fear of being locked up.  That recommendation backfired.  It instigated a mindset in youth that there is no repercussion for youth who disrespect their parents or guardians.  Some youth started holding that, “I’ll call the cops,” card over their parents head.

I remember; eighteen or more years ago.  I was whipping my youngest son in the restroom at church.  One of the dear sisters said, “You know, you can go down town for that?”  I politely told her, “Go on and call the police.  I WILL whip my child when he acts up.”

I raised my children alone. Since, there wasn’t a father figure in the home; I had to demand respect.  My daughter; who is deceased; and my two sons never cursed me.  I’m not sure if it was out of respect; or if they knew I had a screw missing.

One year, we were living with one of my cousins; and my sons were in the basement wrestling with their cousin.  I was in the kitchen cooking dinner; and heard one of my sons curse.  I called him up stairs and whipped him real good.  So, I’d like to think; they learned respect.

But today, in the 21st Century; our society has changed.  Rebellion is in the land.  Young adults in the church talk to those of us who are older than their parents as if we’re their peers.  Even elementary school children disrespect their teachers.  I’ve seen Caucasian children smart talk their parents and grandparents in Kroger.  But; disrespect in black people’s homes was foreign to me.

I guess we learn something new every day.

The other day, I called my seven-year old grandson’s name.  He said, with an irritated authoritative tone, “WHAT???”  I sternly called his name again.  He said, “Yes Gaga?”  When he came upstairs into my room, I scolded him; and said, “You DO NOT answer me like that. You might have been around children who answer adults disrespectfully; or other adults allow you to answer them like that.  I didn’t raise my children to answer me like that; AND you won’t either.  I love you.  But, the next time you answer me with, ‘WHAT;’ you are going to say hello to my big friend; THE BELT!  If you don’t understand something I said; you can ask me what did I say.  But when I call you, don’t ‘WHAT’ me!”  He dropped his head and responded, “Yes Gaga!”

Young people are thinkers; and we seasoned people MUST respect their inquisitiveness.

Why must we?  Because, I said so!!!  STOP!  Now, how did that answer make you feel?  Do you see how it sparks irritation.  Remember, we said that this is the ‘Why’ generation.  Today’s youth and young adults contemplate the logic in actions and answers.  We seasoned adults need to respect their questions.

The next evening, after I had the, “WHAT” discussion with my grandson, he asked a logical question.  As we were talking, he said, “Gaga, how is saying ‘What’ disrespectful?”  I respected his inquisitiveness, by explaining it to him.  He may not have agreed with me; but, he didn’t say anything.

Are you wondering why I’ve broached the subject of disrespect? Because, the generational disconnect must stop.  It’s time for us seasoned adults to seek to understand today’s youth and young adults.  Likewise, it’s time for the young to respect the seasoned.  It’s time for men and women to respect each other.  Those who pray, let’s try not to respond to rebellion with anger.  Let’s love through disrespect; and seek to have it placed in the extinction category.

Thank you for joining me today.  I’ll leave you with these scriptures:    “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭KJV‬‬  “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”  Colossians‬ ‭3:20-21‬ ‭KJV‬‬  “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:24‬ ‭KJV‬‬

The question remains, “When did disrespect begin to be the new normal?”  Let me know your thoughts.  We’ll talk soon.

Blessings!

Rochelle